“Authentic communication is a sign that our relationship with [God] is genuine and close. God wants us to be real with him, not hide our feelings or dress them up in sparkly talk. When we show God our wounds, we show him we feel our wounds are safe in his presence. They become the bridge to an even closer relationship. When we quit hiding them, we discover he loves us not in spite of our messy feelings but because of them. He loves us no matter what, and our relationship is strengthened by honest communication.” – Kristen Strong, Girl Meets Change
Currently, situations in my life are reminding me again — roughly and bluntly — of what my weaknesses are. These difficult things have been thrown over my shoulders like a heavy quilt, dragging along the floor and pulling me back and off-center.
To my shame, I’m realizing that with these old and new challenges, I’ve fallen back into my default coping habits: 1) trying to rely on myself to figure it out and endure it, or 2) looking toward friends or family for validation, empathy, and understanding. As well-intentioned as both strategies are, there’s an inherent flaw to both of them. Neither is fully satisfying or complete; neither fills my soul or helps me feel understood; neither can give peace to my restlessness. And oh, do I go through cycles of restlessness, aimed at my inabilities and failings.
Maybe you’re like me and find yourself struggling internally. Maybe you’re an over-thinker like I am. Maybe you’re finding your life circumstances a little overwhelming right now. Maybe you’re like me and try not to burden others with your problems. Maybe when you do finally open up to friends and family, you hope they’ll say something inspiring to help the weight feel lighter. I know I do. Yet as much as I want them to understand — inevitably, they won’t. And it’s not their fault; those expectations do not belong to them.
I implore you — instead, look to the One who perfectly understands those wounds, understands those longings, and understands that fluctuating emptiness. Instead of wrestling to hide your struggles and keep them out of sight, lay them bare to the One who sees them for all that they are and all that we ourselves cannot perceive. Cry out to the only One worthy of being called out to — and stop trying to use your family and friends a substitutes.
This week, I’m trying not to hide. This week, I’m seeking my Heavenly Father.
I’m grateful He’s using this restlessness to pull me closer to Him. I know I don’t deserve any kind of close relationship with Him, and I know I would not come to Him on my own if He wasn’t prompting me. It’s all His doing, and I’ll praise Him for His undeserved love for me.
Authentic communication, established and maintained by God. What a true blessing this is!